first fight

baby,
yesterday we had our first fight. it was about exactly what we always said it would be. about seeing each other. it was all because of confusion and i honestly wouldn't know how to explain it except that it had to do with me coming out to see you this winter after you came out here to see me and meet my family. i was really upset too. i cried which i told myself i wouldn't do.

but i think it was good that we got our first fight out of the way. because we solved that problem but we also talked about other things that i feel like we were just keeping to ourselves. like when i get sad or upset because you're going to the gym. honestly babe i never get mad at you about that or about having to help your family. i get upset because, like i told you, during the day all i have is texting you. i don't get to just stop by your house to hang out. i can't just come over and watch a movie. we can't make random plans to see each other. it's all i have of you during the day. then at night it's only skype. i'm sooooo happy that we haven't had to skip a night of skype because of school yet. i know that it'll probably happen and i will be upset about it but i'll eventually get over it.. like the next time i get to skype with you haha. i really just hope you understand where i'm coming from now. that i don't get upset with you. i guess it's just more the situation i get upset with.

and i know, trust me i know this better than anything, that we can't change our situation right now. i've tried to think of every possible way we could change it. i've thought of us just dropping out of school, me quitting my job, and us running away together. but that would mean a crappy future because neither of us would be able to have good jobs because we wouldn't have a college education. on top of that our families would be pissed. i'd like to think that they'd eventually come around, i'm pretty sure mine would, but yours might not, but then again maybe they would. and that thought makes me want to just do it. but the rational side of me always has to kick in. i always have to think about being a responsible adult and how my parents raised me better than that. but doesn't it sound tempting. to just drop everything RIGHT NOW so we could finally be with each other? i think it sounds great. but i know that it'll never happen.

i'm glad we got our first fight over with because now i won't be wondering when it'll happen and what it will be about. i just want to make sure you know baby that i do love you with all my heart. i'm so glad that our first fight wasn't really all that bad. it was just a misunderstand on BOTH of our parts. i'm glad we didn't get so mad at each other that one of us broke things off. i'm glad that we got everything situated and figured out so it didn't have to come to that. i'm soo glad that our first fight wasn't about one of us finding out the other had lied or cheated. i'm glad that it was relatively small and something that we could fix by just talking about it. but i'm also soooooo glad it's over and we aren't still mad and fighting.

i love you baby with all my heart. you mean the world to me. i promised you that when we got into our first fight i would give you a chance to explain your side of things. that i wouldn't just get so mad that i wouldn't want to talk to you anymore. that i would do everything i could to straighten things out, that i wouldn't just give up on you. and i did all of those things because i love you. i love you too much to let one stupid fight come in between us. but again...

I'M SOOOOOOOO GLAD IT'S OVER!!!!!!